Scientists and Orgasms - Neither the Twain Shall Meet?

At first, I didn't believe what I was reading the other day and had to read the news headline twice. It was stated in the article that one, Meg Ryan, started 'moaning and groaning' in a diner in the movie When Harry Met Sally'. Seemingly, Ms. Ryan was faking the orgasm or something like that. Hang on, how do you fake an orgasm? Do you need to be inebriated, stoned, speeding, tripping on acid? What?

The 'scientists' from the University of Ottawa, who are not on alcohol or drugs, went on to conjecture that orgasms should be redefined as 'pleasurable satisfaction.' Oh, really? Well, that's news to me or is it fake news? When it comes to sex, and whether you're a horny man or an orgiastic woman, isn't it all about getting one's rocks off, pure and simple? Or am I missing something? No, not according to these 'scientists'. They mention the ORS - the Orgasm Rating Scale and the BSOS - the Bodily Sensations of Orgasm Scale! I knew a gay chap a couple of years ago who went through a terrible love affair that left him, in his words, 'terribly distraught'. He went on to explain that this was his 'anus horribilis!'

So, this seemingly is all about genital sensations and spasms, and more or less everything in between. And as I continued to read the article I was waiting on one particular word and up it came (pardon the pun): moaning. Yes, moaning and groaning until the cows come home. It was stated that the timing of women experiencing an orgasm and 'vocalisations' such as grunting and grousing, may be 'under women's conscious control.' There was a mention of facial tingling although I must confess, after 22 years of marriage to my current wife, I have never seen her face tingle. Maybe it was due to my having other things on my mind and elsewhere!

So I can also mimic the 'scientists' - like although the orgasm has been studied and scrutinised in the ever-growing field of orgasmic research, is it that the female orgasm remains a mysterious, sparkling unicorn to many? An American professor-cum-researcher called it an 'evolutionary vestige like the appendix.'

And lastly, and getting back to those University of Ottawa's ‘scientists’, I wonder if they are aware of the following:

1. Babies masturbate in the uterus.

2. To have an orgasm, stimulation of the sexual organs is not necessary.

3. You can have orgasms when you’re dead.

4. An orgasm can cause bad breath.

5. And lastly, an orgasm can cure hiccups.

"Now, darling, are you ready for some face tingling and orgasmic climaxes?”